So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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