my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
