I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
