I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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