We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
