He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
