I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
