Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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