her vagine was all disorganized.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
