Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
