hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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