Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
