Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
