Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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