I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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