i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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