omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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