we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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