I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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