You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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