She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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