I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
