How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
