The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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