Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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