Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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