He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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