If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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