im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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