Christians are straight up FREAKS
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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