mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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