My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
