So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
