dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
