this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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