My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
