i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
