I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
