I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
