Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
