If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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