Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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