I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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