is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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