Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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