Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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