If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
