I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
