I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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