I puked a lego.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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