i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
