ya dads aren't the best wingmen
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
