I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
