He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
