If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
