wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
