so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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