I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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