while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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