i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
