i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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