What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
