I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
