yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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