i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
