i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
