you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
