Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
