why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The power of my boobs compel you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
