watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
