ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
