No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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