Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
