dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
