She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
