How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
