it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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