I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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