I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
