I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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