:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
