I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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