I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we have pet lesbian snakes
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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