It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
