mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk is not a location!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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