evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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